Friday, January 28, 2011
Still going strong...wait...no
I forgot that this thing even existed. So here's me, breathing life back into the dead.
Friday, September 25, 2009
There is a place I go that I have always gone, and I think you know it too. It's not a particularly nice place, in and of itself. I think at its best it can be fairly qualified as "Alright". The couches are pretty comfortable, but they smell a little funky, and there chairs aren't much to talk about, but not really a whole lot to complain about either.
The TV doesn't work so great, the power button is broken and the plug never seems to want to stay in the outlet. But it works, and hey. What else do you need?
So, on the whole, it's a pretty unremarkable place. It's most notable feature is the unmistakably welcome feeling it seems to exude, which must be the only explanation for the fact that no matter what goes on there is almost always someone there. Doing stuff. Existing in this zone of really comfortable "meh".
It used to be that I knew everyone who would ever be sitting on the smelly sofas and chairs, and no matter what mood I was in I would find a modicum of comfort by simply existing with a kindred soul in an unremarkable lobby. There would be days I was seriously not fit to interact with inanimate objects, and I would be fully aware of it, but damned if I wouldn't zombie-walk my way downstairs and expose these people to my presence anyway. They didn't seem to mind too much.
No one minded anything too much. It was all very genial. It was, at it's ultimate, comfortable. At times, a really loud and smelly kind of comfortable, but comfortable none-the-less. And over the years, despite the happenings and the new people and the... well, you know, it's retained that sense of comfort. So that even though there are days when there is no one in this building I actually want to see, no one I really feel all that close to anymore... I still want to be there. For the ambiance. For the dick jokes.
For something I can't quite place. The fact remains that if I close my eyes and shut out the words that are being said, just float in an amoebic state of half-existence, I remember who I am. Who I was when I came first sat down here, who I became by sitting down here a lot more, and who I lost by simply passing through.
So, here I sit, in the affectionately termed "bitch-corner" (because the lobby is being steam-vacuumed), realizing that none of the people I met here will ever come back. That the me that people met here left a long time ago, and wont come back. And realizing that I'm sort of okay with that. There are new people, who look like the people I met, that I get along with pretty well. Sure I'm not awfully close to them, and it doesn't really look like we're gonna be ridiculously close friends, but it's nice, really nice, to have some people to spend time with in between classes. And I think I've finally stopped expecting anything more.
The lobby is just an unremarkable place, with new outlets and the same shitty TV and a couple new chairs. It feels kinda homey, and there are people who hang out there. That's really the way it's always been, and that's always what it's gonna be. Maybe I like the people there. Maybe I don't. It doesn't matter. I only hang out there in between classes anyway.
Maybe there used to be a group of kids who hung out there and had a special kind of love for each other. They were some great kids. And y'know, there are some kids there now who have a special connection, but it's not really all that strong. I think they put too much weight on it at some point, or something. Anyway. It's just a place. These people, are just some people. And when you think about it, that's all the Lobby ever meant.
So sure, stop by, if you feel like it. If you wanna play some video games, at least one person will always be up for it. And if you and just that one person play, other people will too. Or, if you just wanna talk about something, everyone is willing to listen. Everyone is pretty open minded, and fairly respectful. I say fairly, because you can ignore people who are being assholes. But if you can, leave the expectations somewhere else. It's just a place.
The TV doesn't work so great, the power button is broken and the plug never seems to want to stay in the outlet. But it works, and hey. What else do you need?
So, on the whole, it's a pretty unremarkable place. It's most notable feature is the unmistakably welcome feeling it seems to exude, which must be the only explanation for the fact that no matter what goes on there is almost always someone there. Doing stuff. Existing in this zone of really comfortable "meh".
It used to be that I knew everyone who would ever be sitting on the smelly sofas and chairs, and no matter what mood I was in I would find a modicum of comfort by simply existing with a kindred soul in an unremarkable lobby. There would be days I was seriously not fit to interact with inanimate objects, and I would be fully aware of it, but damned if I wouldn't zombie-walk my way downstairs and expose these people to my presence anyway. They didn't seem to mind too much.
No one minded anything too much. It was all very genial. It was, at it's ultimate, comfortable. At times, a really loud and smelly kind of comfortable, but comfortable none-the-less. And over the years, despite the happenings and the new people and the... well, you know, it's retained that sense of comfort. So that even though there are days when there is no one in this building I actually want to see, no one I really feel all that close to anymore... I still want to be there. For the ambiance. For the dick jokes.
For something I can't quite place. The fact remains that if I close my eyes and shut out the words that are being said, just float in an amoebic state of half-existence, I remember who I am. Who I was when I came first sat down here, who I became by sitting down here a lot more, and who I lost by simply passing through.
So, here I sit, in the affectionately termed "bitch-corner" (because the lobby is being steam-vacuumed), realizing that none of the people I met here will ever come back. That the me that people met here left a long time ago, and wont come back. And realizing that I'm sort of okay with that. There are new people, who look like the people I met, that I get along with pretty well. Sure I'm not awfully close to them, and it doesn't really look like we're gonna be ridiculously close friends, but it's nice, really nice, to have some people to spend time with in between classes. And I think I've finally stopped expecting anything more.
The lobby is just an unremarkable place, with new outlets and the same shitty TV and a couple new chairs. It feels kinda homey, and there are people who hang out there. That's really the way it's always been, and that's always what it's gonna be. Maybe I like the people there. Maybe I don't. It doesn't matter. I only hang out there in between classes anyway.
Maybe there used to be a group of kids who hung out there and had a special kind of love for each other. They were some great kids. And y'know, there are some kids there now who have a special connection, but it's not really all that strong. I think they put too much weight on it at some point, or something. Anyway. It's just a place. These people, are just some people. And when you think about it, that's all the Lobby ever meant.
So sure, stop by, if you feel like it. If you wanna play some video games, at least one person will always be up for it. And if you and just that one person play, other people will too. Or, if you just wanna talk about something, everyone is willing to listen. Everyone is pretty open minded, and fairly respectful. I say fairly, because you can ignore people who are being assholes. But if you can, leave the expectations somewhere else. It's just a place.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
BG Undead
yes, yes, and yes. I am beyond ecstatic for this year's BG Undead game. I am ready, here is a proof. See all of you on the slaying fields for what will be another year of KCD domination!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Jazzy
Everybody has their own hypothetical example of music. If you have heard a kind of music enough you can imagine clearly in your own mind a section of that music. If I say "polka" most people are thinking that umpa lumpa sounding 1-2 time beat in fast forward. . .
So imagine some jazz. Not big band or swing. Nobody is dancing to this. This is a music that changes where you are and who you are. Sure, you walk into the club that night with a set identity. There are rules in the universe that are followed and expected. With those rules, you can make predictions whether you know it not. Sometimes those predictions are expectations.
Like you can expect to walk into the jazz club and hear people softly talking. No exact words exchanged but a cloud of language hangs in the room as subtle as the smoke. It blends into the dark ceiling and molds against the fabric on the walls almost enough to see it and even though you can't, you get the impression that every word is trapped in this room eternally. This sanctuary is lit mostly by candles and table lights. On the walls are 20 watt bulbs, just bright enough to give everyone a soft silhouette and show the folds and creases of the cloth.
You find yourself seated and concentrated on the subtle notion of an expectation. While the mist of language has not left this place, the air becomes crisp and clear as the musicians ready themselves for this journey. It is a quartet. You can't seem to find where they started. Certainly you only now hear this music but it feels more like they are just amplifying or perhaps intensifying what was already there. You let go of everything but the frequencies streaming into you ear.
The bass players hands climb up and down the strings with ease. He appears almost robotic, though his fingers move with such grace you would think they were swaying in the wind. The sound of the bass smoothly reverberates within the room. You can feel it in your stomach and you can feel it in your soul. It vibrates everything it touches.
On his right, sits the drums and behind the drums, the drummer. He's playing his snare with brushes. He's painting his sound better than Vincent Van Gogh and he's blending into the rest of the sound where the ocean meets the sky. When you listen closely enough you can hear each metal hair of the brush strike the skin of the drum; a pebble falling into water.
Further off to the right, but further forward sits a piano. Its flipped lid reflects the entire room back on itself. The piano player's arms swing like a pendulum back and forth across the piano in a rhythm just constant enough to keep up with his fingers, who jump to and from the keys like a frog on a lily pad. Each finger that lands magically blankets its impact and somehow stays afloat long enough to jump to the next. The result is intentionally constructed chords that captain the mood without any orders at all.
Across from the piano stands the trumpet. He stands tall and still like a statue until the trumpet reaches his lips. Suddenly a sound emerges from his horn. Accelerating out an almost endless slow motion that was as controlled and intentional as a horse and jockey leaving the gate; entirely distinct entities becoming unified. The trumpeter's sounds bond the four instruments together. None of them are leading or trailing, but threading and intertwining like rope.
This very rope that started as an infinitely small bind grows endless in your presence. It slowly wraps and warps. But it is just a single thread a rope that is the infinite exponential or infinity itself. It has no center and no edges. These ropes crest into never-ending peaks and trough into limitless valleys. This is the landscape of the universe; waves, rhythms, patterns. Jazz taps into a microcosm of that vastness and tugs and pulls at a few of those tiny fibers that twist into the threads that wind into the strings that wrap into the ropes that hold the fabric and declare order of this epically unbounded chaos.
P.S.
Landon - BG Undead this year is something I have been looking forward to and prepping my mind for, for weeks now. I get paid this Thursday and I'm grabbing another recon.
Brad - Hope to see you sometime in the like 8 days I'll be in BG. FUCKING come to KCD and chill please!
Becca - I miss someone keeping me in imaginative check with caustic remarks and senseless insults. . . just kidding. I miss you more than your comments surprisingly
So imagine some jazz. Not big band or swing. Nobody is dancing to this. This is a music that changes where you are and who you are. Sure, you walk into the club that night with a set identity. There are rules in the universe that are followed and expected. With those rules, you can make predictions whether you know it not. Sometimes those predictions are expectations.
Like you can expect to walk into the jazz club and hear people softly talking. No exact words exchanged but a cloud of language hangs in the room as subtle as the smoke. It blends into the dark ceiling and molds against the fabric on the walls almost enough to see it and even though you can't, you get the impression that every word is trapped in this room eternally. This sanctuary is lit mostly by candles and table lights. On the walls are 20 watt bulbs, just bright enough to give everyone a soft silhouette and show the folds and creases of the cloth.
You find yourself seated and concentrated on the subtle notion of an expectation. While the mist of language has not left this place, the air becomes crisp and clear as the musicians ready themselves for this journey. It is a quartet. You can't seem to find where they started. Certainly you only now hear this music but it feels more like they are just amplifying or perhaps intensifying what was already there. You let go of everything but the frequencies streaming into you ear.
The bass players hands climb up and down the strings with ease. He appears almost robotic, though his fingers move with such grace you would think they were swaying in the wind. The sound of the bass smoothly reverberates within the room. You can feel it in your stomach and you can feel it in your soul. It vibrates everything it touches.
On his right, sits the drums and behind the drums, the drummer. He's playing his snare with brushes. He's painting his sound better than Vincent Van Gogh and he's blending into the rest of the sound where the ocean meets the sky. When you listen closely enough you can hear each metal hair of the brush strike the skin of the drum; a pebble falling into water.
Further off to the right, but further forward sits a piano. Its flipped lid reflects the entire room back on itself. The piano player's arms swing like a pendulum back and forth across the piano in a rhythm just constant enough to keep up with his fingers, who jump to and from the keys like a frog on a lily pad. Each finger that lands magically blankets its impact and somehow stays afloat long enough to jump to the next. The result is intentionally constructed chords that captain the mood without any orders at all.
Across from the piano stands the trumpet. He stands tall and still like a statue until the trumpet reaches his lips. Suddenly a sound emerges from his horn. Accelerating out an almost endless slow motion that was as controlled and intentional as a horse and jockey leaving the gate; entirely distinct entities becoming unified. The trumpeter's sounds bond the four instruments together. None of them are leading or trailing, but threading and intertwining like rope.
This very rope that started as an infinitely small bind grows endless in your presence. It slowly wraps and warps. But it is just a single thread a rope that is the infinite exponential or infinity itself. It has no center and no edges. These ropes crest into never-ending peaks and trough into limitless valleys. This is the landscape of the universe; waves, rhythms, patterns. Jazz taps into a microcosm of that vastness and tugs and pulls at a few of those tiny fibers that twist into the threads that wind into the strings that wrap into the ropes that hold the fabric and declare order of this epically unbounded chaos.
P.S.
Landon - BG Undead this year is something I have been looking forward to and prepping my mind for, for weeks now. I get paid this Thursday and I'm grabbing another recon.
Brad - Hope to see you sometime in the like 8 days I'll be in BG. FUCKING come to KCD and chill please!
Becca - I miss someone keeping me in imaginative check with caustic remarks and senseless insults. . . just kidding. I miss you more than your comments surprisingly
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Home is where assholes who raid your fridge are.
I'm pretty sure this weekend was the weekend straight out of heaven. Fife shows up and in no time at all the lobby is back to full strength and people are always there. Its funny how people are really what make a home "home" and not the place. Even Brad made a guest appearance. I am really looking forward to the week of BGUNDEAD more than you can possibly imagine and really hope that next semester fife will have made up his mind to come back. But, we wont know until then for certain. On a side note I wanted to share gio's words of wisdom that it would be wise to take another look at and remember.
Peace Lady and gentlemen. I'm out.
so say-ith the first colony of lobby-topia:
thou shalt not sword whore in halo
thou shalt not drive in a ghost for more then 2 minutes
thou shalt not leave when people are cleaning
tho shalt not interrupt starcraft
thou shalt not zerg rush
thou shalt not ridicule the squirrel talkers, for they shall lead us to peace, and nutella spread.
thou shalt not use socks in HvZ
thou shalt not start-ith shit for serious, only pretend
thou shalt resolve disputes via videogames, for with pwnage comes resolution.
thou shalt not eat all of the fifes cookies
thou shalt not avoid the lobby over petty shit
thou shalt revel in fundip monday
thou shalt revere bad joke thursday
thou shalt worship dragpo, eater of sadness and shitter of dreams
Peace Lady and gentlemen. I'm out.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
OK so...
Never become an RA. It's a lonely boring job that I hate. All day, I wonder about programs I have to do and all the shit that lays ahead of me in the coming weeks. I have certain critera I have to follow, certain perameters to work around and absolutely, positively NO residents to do it with. That means I have a pointless job. But it pays so damn well and I have much more finacial security this way.
But it also means I have to sacrifice a ton more of my college experience to do it. I can't go out as often and when I do, it's for a few hours after class.
On top of that...I'm part of way to many extra currics that I've already made a commitment to and can't back out on. Yes, it was my choice and there's no one to blame. I know that.
Regardless, the first 3 weeks of school have seemed like months to me. Constanlty trying to succeed in classes so I can have good grades, working with my AUG orginization, German club, BG24 news and RA responsibilities.
Nothing to say about it other than I'm lonely, bored, predictable and just flat out sad. Not depressed, but very sad.
Whatever, I just need to find a stride. But for right now....
....it fucking sucks
Never become an RA. It's a lonely boring job that I hate. All day, I wonder about programs I have to do and all the shit that lays ahead of me in the coming weeks. I have certain critera I have to follow, certain perameters to work around and absolutely, positively NO residents to do it with. That means I have a pointless job. But it pays so damn well and I have much more finacial security this way.
But it also means I have to sacrifice a ton more of my college experience to do it. I can't go out as often and when I do, it's for a few hours after class.
On top of that...I'm part of way to many extra currics that I've already made a commitment to and can't back out on. Yes, it was my choice and there's no one to blame. I know that.
Regardless, the first 3 weeks of school have seemed like months to me. Constanlty trying to succeed in classes so I can have good grades, working with my AUG orginization, German club, BG24 news and RA responsibilities.
Nothing to say about it other than I'm lonely, bored, predictable and just flat out sad. Not depressed, but very sad.
Whatever, I just need to find a stride. But for right now....
....it fucking sucks
Friday, August 29, 2008
Snrk
I hope everyone watched the Democratic Convention, because I did, and it was hilarious. So very worth the time it took up. No seriously. I hate Democrats as much as every other political party, now! It's good to find these things out fairly quickly.
Something that's been getting on my nerves for about 3 weeks:
Ever have a friend that's afraid to tell you something because they think you'll react poorly? It's like people never really learn what you're like even after 5+ years of interaction. In the event there is something someone might find out that may make them upset, it's better to talk to them than to avoid the subject completely, non? Because when they find out from someone else, it's just a giant ballsack of weird. And they wonder why you've been blowing them off for however long and start to get upset about that.
So, completely unrelated, my friend Martin has been blowing me off for about 2 months now because he didn't want to tell me he was moving. Obviously the great way to avoid my displeasure at his leaving was just to completely ignore the fuck out of me. Hoooray! He's right, though, I'm not upset that he's moving... I don't need to deal with that much retardation on a daily basis. But I'm not going to tell him I don't give a shit, because that might make him upset. I'm just not gonna talk to him at all instead. :D
Oooh these misunderstandings. They'll get you everywhere!
So, on the upside, Stacey is leaving sunday! Yaaay! I don't have to put up with her judgemental bitchiness anymore! Hooorraaaaay! Or her just walking in and staring at me and trying to get me to tell her "what's wrong". It's gotten to the point where I've started making up shit just so she'll nod like she understands and smile and be able to give me all the advice she's been saving up all summer for just such an occasion. Ugggh. Also, annoyed with not only how completely and totally attached at the hip Stacey and Dan are, but how she bitches constantly about how clingy he is.
FYI: Landon, I had a good chuckle at your expense today. And you weren't even there, you fuckup!
Brad: Joanne and Stacey are pissed at you, I don't know if you care. But it's because of videogames. Which one were you playing?
Fife: You're a failure. Come visit.
Pendulum
I wholeheartedly am promoting the band Pendulum. They are electronica. They are drum and Bass. They are wonderful. Check it.
Peace.
Peace.
Monday, August 25, 2008
gosh darn im happy here in the lobby. gosh darn am i really happy. so i happy i pity those not here...in cinci....or harshman.......gosh darn im happy
I am so happy here in the lobby. gosh darn am i really happy. so i happy i pity those not here...in cinci....or harshman........gosh darn im happy.....
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Perhaps the beginning of a trance song?
in a world where information travels fast its hard for ideas to take their grasp. they might last for some time but could change during this rhyme. you could be in the middle of conversation when you look at your handheld for a revelation. people change all the time. people change all the time. people change all the time. man is changing. man is evolving. man is progressing. man is progressing. man is progressing. progressing. progressing. progressing. processing. processing. processing. =-=-=then the real beat and melody starts slow and low=-=-= then the first line. . . I am changing I am evolving I am progressing man, your arms around me, whispers surrounding. the only constant in who i am.=-=-=the melody picks up=-=-=processing processing processing=-=-= I am changing I am evolving I am progressing man. your love relenting my hope descending the only constant in who i am. =-=-= processing processing processing =-=-= the song escalates into the peak and hits the melody summit =-=-= processing processing processing. i am changing i am evolving i am progressing man. your eyes inducing my heart refusing the only constant in who i am. =-=-= processing processing processing. don't you see the only thing that won't change is us? =-=-= then the song slowly goes out.
hmmm i will try to get a copy of the melody out there maybe? at least at some point soon im just really motivated and need to get working on this before i lose it.
obviously those are just the words. . . what do you think though of the overall idea?
hmmm i will try to get a copy of the melody out there maybe? at least at some point soon im just really motivated and need to get working on this before i lose it.
obviously those are just the words. . . what do you think though of the overall idea?
Fable II Pub Games
Your's truly is ranked in the top 750 out of over 100,000. yup. i like to buy my friends with virtual money in a virtual world. and im pretty good at it. peace out
now im in the top 300. 8-26-08
now im in the top 300. 8-26-08
Friday, August 15, 2008
Last look back in Pleasantville
So.
Here's where I look back at my home in Columbus. I grew up in this small little town complete with a Kroger in walking distance, excellent schools, a local ice cream place and even a quaint little historical downtown. You know, the ones you see in the movies? Yeah, that one.
Growing up, I hated this little piece of heaven, really I did. All the boredom that occurred in this place is record breaking actually. Whether it be sitting at the school, which was INSIDE the neighborhood, going to Kroger to buy nothing with the nothing we had, sitting at one of our houses playing the original Halo (that's right. Oldies mother fucker) or just...i don't know, anything unproductive.
But now, I look back on the first big chapter of my life and realize that I had it good. Real good. But of course none of that hits you until the last moment. Hell, sometimes it won't hit you way farther down the road.
This was my last summer living at home. My last time calling my home, "my home". Although it's always gonna be my home....it's now my parents house. It's weird, calling it that. After this year at BG, I'm either staying for summer school and living in the dorms again, or getting a house with a few of my buddies. Or both, I don't fuckin know.
Regardless, I'm finally leaving the nest. And I mean for good. As exhilarating and awesome as it's gonna be, I can't help but feel a slight stab of depression.
Ok ok ok...I'll be honest. I would have ignored these feelings, but this summer, I experimented with a few things that really broadened my horizons. To be frank, I smoked a ton of weed this summer. And I mean like everyday smoking.
Sure, yea, i know....most of you guys don't really partake in those "ilicet" activities, but seriously, It actually helped me out. When I get back to BG, I'm not smoking anymore. No, not because it's the right thing to do or to protect my health and sanity or to keep up appearances (FUCK appearances btw), but because it was an experience. I don't know how to explain what I felt when I was high, but it was magic. Suddenly, it was like, certain topics that i avoided sober came into focus when i was under the influence. I was coming up with more and more logical conclusions when I came out of the high. I was really starting to face my fears in a positive way rather than freakin out.
Sure, maybe most people would say that using mind altering substances is a way out or something that you do simply because you can't deal with things naturally. Wait a minute....thats EXACTLY what I did with reefer! Weird right? I found these accusations to be spot on.....and I'm really ok with that.
I just knew my bounderies with the drug. Rather than getting to caught up in the world and its lifestyle, I just stopped when I knew I reached my limit. Most of the people I smoked with wanted and did try other drugs. But not me. I knew that danger of some of that shit, even though its not as crazy as the news and crazy mothers with tons of free time tell you. Last week was the last time I smoked. I remember thinking, "you know, I wonder what acid or shrooms could do to me?". And that was it. I knew I reached my limit. So that night, I stopped the cycle. I knew when to stop and honestly, I pride myself in knowing my own limits. The experience was done, and I survived with nothing more than an extra pound or two and just a weeks worth of shitty memory. Otherwise, I'm better than ever. I actually started excersizing yesterday!
Now that the experience is done, I can focus again on progress. I can focus on making new friends and meeting up with my close old ones. I can focus on excelling in German in hopes to travel to Austria for a year. I can focus on how I can grow as a person.
Say what you will about my actions and thoughts but I'm mostly at peace.
And even though I'm finally leaving home as a child, I finally feel I'm ready for what lies ahead as an adult.
The best part? I have no fuckin clue what to expect. Wander into the darkness and get lost. Hopefully I'll find my way out.
And as a side note:
"Electric Feel" by MGMT
check it out
-Bradford
Here's where I look back at my home in Columbus. I grew up in this small little town complete with a Kroger in walking distance, excellent schools, a local ice cream place and even a quaint little historical downtown. You know, the ones you see in the movies? Yeah, that one.
Growing up, I hated this little piece of heaven, really I did. All the boredom that occurred in this place is record breaking actually. Whether it be sitting at the school, which was INSIDE the neighborhood, going to Kroger to buy nothing with the nothing we had, sitting at one of our houses playing the original Halo (that's right. Oldies mother fucker) or just...i don't know, anything unproductive.
But now, I look back on the first big chapter of my life and realize that I had it good. Real good. But of course none of that hits you until the last moment. Hell, sometimes it won't hit you way farther down the road.
This was my last summer living at home. My last time calling my home, "my home". Although it's always gonna be my home....it's now my parents house. It's weird, calling it that. After this year at BG, I'm either staying for summer school and living in the dorms again, or getting a house with a few of my buddies. Or both, I don't fuckin know.
Regardless, I'm finally leaving the nest. And I mean for good. As exhilarating and awesome as it's gonna be, I can't help but feel a slight stab of depression.
Ok ok ok...I'll be honest. I would have ignored these feelings, but this summer, I experimented with a few things that really broadened my horizons. To be frank, I smoked a ton of weed this summer. And I mean like everyday smoking.
Sure, yea, i know....most of you guys don't really partake in those "ilicet" activities, but seriously, It actually helped me out. When I get back to BG, I'm not smoking anymore. No, not because it's the right thing to do or to protect my health and sanity or to keep up appearances (FUCK appearances btw), but because it was an experience. I don't know how to explain what I felt when I was high, but it was magic. Suddenly, it was like, certain topics that i avoided sober came into focus when i was under the influence. I was coming up with more and more logical conclusions when I came out of the high. I was really starting to face my fears in a positive way rather than freakin out.
Sure, maybe most people would say that using mind altering substances is a way out or something that you do simply because you can't deal with things naturally. Wait a minute....thats EXACTLY what I did with reefer! Weird right? I found these accusations to be spot on.....and I'm really ok with that.
I just knew my bounderies with the drug. Rather than getting to caught up in the world and its lifestyle, I just stopped when I knew I reached my limit. Most of the people I smoked with wanted and did try other drugs. But not me. I knew that danger of some of that shit, even though its not as crazy as the news and crazy mothers with tons of free time tell you. Last week was the last time I smoked. I remember thinking, "you know, I wonder what acid or shrooms could do to me?". And that was it. I knew I reached my limit. So that night, I stopped the cycle. I knew when to stop and honestly, I pride myself in knowing my own limits. The experience was done, and I survived with nothing more than an extra pound or two and just a weeks worth of shitty memory. Otherwise, I'm better than ever. I actually started excersizing yesterday!
Now that the experience is done, I can focus again on progress. I can focus on making new friends and meeting up with my close old ones. I can focus on excelling in German in hopes to travel to Austria for a year. I can focus on how I can grow as a person.
Say what you will about my actions and thoughts but I'm mostly at peace.
And even though I'm finally leaving home as a child, I finally feel I'm ready for what lies ahead as an adult.
The best part? I have no fuckin clue what to expect. Wander into the darkness and get lost. Hopefully I'll find my way out.
And as a side note:
"Electric Feel" by MGMT
check it out
-Bradford
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Updates updates updates on thursday thursday thursday........
ho shit. well, Im finally done with work as of yesterday. and looking back on it, the hours of my life wasted to paid slavery dosent seem too bad. i might go back to work there next summer if i dont get a job at Keebler (which is right next door to rubbermaid. if i got in there, i would wear elf ears everyday to work. no fucking joke.). So i have a good two weeks before school starts to organize my shit. So, without shame I am going to list books i need here in an attempt to bum them off of any of you who has something i might need. In exchange I promise my unfailing charm and encourage you to list what you need and If i have something on that list Ill let you know.
1)STARTING OUT W/C++,FROM CONTROL...-W/CD (2008 ed) by Tony "my books cost way too much" Gaddis
2)SCRIBNER ANTHOLOGY OF CONTEMP.SHORT... (2007 paperback) "cant write my own stories so im gonna composite others" Willford
3)Norton Anthology of short fiction (2005 paperback) by Richard "hey that Willford had a good idea there..." Bausch
4) Racial and Ethnic Groups (Hardcover, 2007) by Richard T. "if only i actually wasn't a white rich male i could pretend my book wasnt hypocritical" Schaefer
5)The McDonaldization of Society 5 (Paperback, 2007) by George Ritzer (sorry, this one actually sounds good)
6)SOCIOLOGY,BRIEF INTRO.-W/6 AUDIO ABR.CD by Richard "jesus Id hate to see the unabridged version of this" Schaefer
yea, so if anyone has these, a comment here, a text, whatever so i dont have to spend an unchristly amount of money. I actually think if i go to the book store this year as i buy the book i will give them a picture of a homeless person and say "this mans life is ruined by debts accumulated from buying your books. he eats his own shit. I hope your happy." and then leave.
Also, i plan to see Star Wars the Clone Wars tonight but will buy my ticket at the door tonight at midnight. lets see how well that goes...
Finally got around to watching firefly. I really like it. alot. serenity kinda sucked though. not bad but it felt like i blacked out and woke up months later and nothing was explained and was squashed together from three tv shows. Joss Whedon definitely needed more work. Or possibly a continuity editor (Continuity Editor: "umm Mr Whedon sir, I dont know if you noticed this, but you cant just dump off Shepard into the "Abbey" when the only other mention of it was in one line from four episodes ago. Also, Why did you give him cornrows? Oh, and Mr Whedon, where did those two guys with blue gloves go? Because this Lamarr Burton wanna-be with a sword just dosent work out. Half the cast hums the reading rainbow theme every time he says a line. I just dont see any chemistry here..."
Whedon: "I'M DRUNK ON MY OWN EGO GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE OR I WILL RIP YOUR LEGS OFF AND FEED THEM TO MY TWIN PET CARNIVOROUS GIRAFFES RAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
In other news, i finally have a solid idea for a book that ive accumulated from all the other ideas and half baked schemes that i call writing so i plan on fuddling around with that when i can. However, it does not involve carnivorous giraffes. shame.Im learning the harmonica. dont know if i mentioned that. also got my hair cut today. its shorter than ive had it for a while. about the same length of fifes when he first got his cut. its just much curlier. and i wash it more. yea...so, hope you are all having a good time. i plan on seeing you again soon. (assuming fife will visit us at BG) and also want to mention that i heard from Bri that Pete said guns will be allowed on certain parts of campus for BG UNDEAD which is better than no guns. so lets hope things turn out well. Later lobbyists.
1)STARTING OUT W/C++,FROM CONTROL...-W/CD (2008 ed) by Tony "my books cost way too much" Gaddis
2)SCRIBNER ANTHOLOGY OF CONTEMP.SHORT... (2007 paperback) "cant write my own stories so im gonna composite others" Willford
3)Norton Anthology of short fiction (2005 paperback) by Richard "hey that Willford had a good idea there..." Bausch
4) Racial and Ethnic Groups (Hardcover, 2007) by Richard T. "if only i actually wasn't a white rich male i could pretend my book wasnt hypocritical" Schaefer
5)The McDonaldization of Society 5 (Paperback, 2007) by George Ritzer (sorry, this one actually sounds good)
6)SOCIOLOGY,BRIEF INTRO.-W/6 AUDIO ABR.CD by Richard "jesus Id hate to see the unabridged version of this" Schaefer
yea, so if anyone has these, a comment here, a text, whatever so i dont have to spend an unchristly amount of money. I actually think if i go to the book store this year as i buy the book i will give them a picture of a homeless person and say "this mans life is ruined by debts accumulated from buying your books. he eats his own shit. I hope your happy." and then leave.
Also, i plan to see Star Wars the Clone Wars tonight but will buy my ticket at the door tonight at midnight. lets see how well that goes...
Finally got around to watching firefly. I really like it. alot. serenity kinda sucked though. not bad but it felt like i blacked out and woke up months later and nothing was explained and was squashed together from three tv shows. Joss Whedon definitely needed more work. Or possibly a continuity editor (Continuity Editor: "umm Mr Whedon sir, I dont know if you noticed this, but you cant just dump off Shepard into the "Abbey" when the only other mention of it was in one line from four episodes ago. Also, Why did you give him cornrows? Oh, and Mr Whedon, where did those two guys with blue gloves go? Because this Lamarr Burton wanna-be with a sword just dosent work out. Half the cast hums the reading rainbow theme every time he says a line. I just dont see any chemistry here..."
Whedon: "I'M DRUNK ON MY OWN EGO GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE OR I WILL RIP YOUR LEGS OFF AND FEED THEM TO MY TWIN PET CARNIVOROUS GIRAFFES RAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
In other news, i finally have a solid idea for a book that ive accumulated from all the other ideas and half baked schemes that i call writing so i plan on fuddling around with that when i can. However, it does not involve carnivorous giraffes. shame.Im learning the harmonica. dont know if i mentioned that. also got my hair cut today. its shorter than ive had it for a while. about the same length of fifes when he first got his cut. its just much curlier. and i wash it more. yea...so, hope you are all having a good time. i plan on seeing you again soon. (assuming fife will visit us at BG) and also want to mention that i heard from Bri that Pete said guns will be allowed on certain parts of campus for BG UNDEAD which is better than no guns. so lets hope things turn out well. Later lobbyists.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
New Board Game by: Fife
so i'm gonna make a freakin sick board game. i'll let you know when it's done. OR WHATEVER OMFG IM FREAKIN OUT WITH IDEAS!!!
Monday, July 28, 2008
Dude, just cuil it.
It looks nice, it loads fast- it sucks as a search engine. I did a couple really common searches- "dog photos", "halo reviews", etc. I got a couple hits, and it does have a nice layout. I'm not used to it, so of course it's a little weird.
But, while doing these common searches, I ran into problems. One of Cuil's major advertising points is how many websites it searches, so technically it should come up with more hits for most commonly searched stuff? Well, I guess not. Because searches like "all ur base", "stuff on my cat", any huge internet meme... come up with no results. None. Nada. Nothing.
I figure, if I search for shit that is literally all over the internet in insanely annoying quantities, it'll give me a good idea at how good this site is at finding shit I actually want to find.
And Cuil? Says that in these 120 million websites claimed to be indexed, there are no phrases, websites, photos, anything oriented around dumb shit like all ur base. And now, Cuil's database appears to be unavailable.
Okay okay, granted- it's launch day of a brand new website... but they want to compete with google. Have they SEEN what happens to people who compete with google? Of course not, because you can't fucking compete with google. You can't show up on launch day not being able to find "Icanhascheezburger.com" or whatever.
They also don't have an image search. Or maps, or any of that. I'm sorry, but in my personal opinion they probably should have developed a little bit more before they launched this. Google could afford to start purely as a website search and evolve because it was one of the first effective search engines, there was no one else out there doing the same thing, or at least not doing it nearly as well. This new website is trying to break into a market completely dominated by huge, powerful and good website. They need to prove that google isn't actually good at what it does, and they need to prove it while people are still paying attention. Which isn't looking likely.
I usually hate people for dismissing new programs or websites within hours of their creation, but for something like this I really do think it's imperative you have an outstanding first impression. They didn't even have a good introduction! There was no press, there was no advertising anywhere, and all in all it's a fairly unimpressive site. Not that at this point in time you can actually look at it- the server is down.
Awesome guys, awesome.
ETA:
So, upon further testing, cuil.com does in fact come up with all these common internet memes... but you have to spell it exactly right. Which is sort of annoying, but understandable. Also, you'll notice that the images next to the results frequently have nothing at all to do with the results they're set next to. Which, while often hilarious, is kind of... pointless. And annoying.
Also, it comes up with LOADS of duplicate websites. There appears to be no filter on repetition. Also, their next button fails a lot.
Nitpick, nitpick.
Friday, July 25, 2008
So about how Bradford writes on this all the time...aka never-fuckin-ever
So this will be quick and short but very to the point.
Fuck. Summer. Break.
Seriously guys, have you ever heard such a thing? What kid in their right mind would say such a blasphemous comment? Well idk.....we all feel that way. All summer has done is made me severely apathetic, hhhhiiiighly (there you go landon) cynical and just plain pissed right the fuck off at the world.
Yeah, I know, you three have been harpin' on the topic throughout the blog, but again, I'm awesome, so yeah.
Becca, Landon and Fife:
I miss you all with a passion. And I know you guys are the ones with the fancy words and quick quips so I'll continue to leave that to you. I'll just end up makin a "Brad-ism" (there you becca).
I'll see Fife and Becca soon, landon in spirit and its gonna kick some insane ass
ill write more later when i feel like it
Fuck. Summer. Break.
Seriously guys, have you ever heard such a thing? What kid in their right mind would say such a blasphemous comment? Well idk.....we all feel that way. All summer has done is made me severely apathetic, hhhhiiiighly (there you go landon) cynical and just plain pissed right the fuck off at the world.
Yeah, I know, you three have been harpin' on the topic throughout the blog, but again, I'm awesome, so yeah.
Becca, Landon and Fife:
I miss you all with a passion. And I know you guys are the ones with the fancy words and quick quips so I'll continue to leave that to you. I'll just end up makin a "Brad-ism" (there you becca).
I'll see Fife and Becca soon, landon in spirit and its gonna kick some insane ass
ill write more later when i feel like it
Sunday, July 20, 2008
I WILL NOT BE COMING TO FIFE'S
so, I can only assume those who look at this post will know the message I am conveying here. Now, since we are past the main point, lets get into nitty gritty detail:
I have decided against coming to Fife's not for money reasons but for sleep reasons. I seem to be developing insomnia. I can only attest it to the fact I sleep between 6am and 4pm and on the days I dont work, I try to reverse it. It isn't exactly the easiest thing in the world. As a strange side effect, i find myself erecting (yes, i did say erect) fighting clubs all over the area, and splicing porn into disney movies. considering the fact I did this before insomnia though its no biggie. however, If i introduce myself as Tyler Durden to ANYONE then kill me on the spot. I prefer a knife to the back of my skull somewhere between 25 and 28 psi.
Anyways, looking at the weekend schedule from a logical standpoint, if I did go, I would be sleeping until I caught the bus friday evening at 7pm, probably sleep on the bus (because I always get tired on long car rides, no matter what. this seems to be a weakness of mine. It doesn't matter how much of a creepy necrophiliac sonofabitch the guys next to me looks on the bus, I will go down snoring, most likely waking to either a backwoods pig farm or a smattering of penis drawn across my face in permanent marker.) and after exiting the bus, get picked up by the lot of you, hanging out till the wee hours of dawn, getting awoken early to a full day of hijinks, play games late again (and dont say we wont, cause I know you all.) and then wake up early to a 11 or 11:30 bus ride home, If i am lucky enough to wake up for my stop, then I will get home, crash wake up around 3am, and not be able to fall asleep again. to put it simply, I will die.
So I pardon all your frustration at me and apologize as much as I can for nature's effects and hope to see you sometime near the beginning of school.
I also hope you have all been brushing up on your curb stomping, Cover jumping, chainsawing and 2peiceing (see BXR from Gaylo 2) for Gears of War 2 in November.
While im thinking about it, id also like to take a minute to promote Fable 2 as awesome, Mirror's Edge as potentially decent, Legendary as a phenomenally impressive idea, so lets hope it dosent shit all over itself, The force Unleashed looks extremely next generation starwars and Fallout 3 is without a doubt worth a look from everybody that plays the 360. You can play turn based, you can run and gun and play it as an fps, you get a dog named Dogmeat, you are in A REPLICATION OF WASHINGTON DC RIGHT DOWN TO THE STAIRS IN THE WASHINGTON MEMORIAL (which you can climb). Think post apocalyptic US, bullets whizzing into mutated skin as the national anthem plays. (click this link, seriously . I will be getting this game after all its downloads will be included... http://xbox360.ign.com/dor/objects/882301/fallout-3/videos/fallout3_security_071408.html
...regardless, I hope that you all are putting away those rusty old battle rifles for some new chainsaw equipped Lancers. (Also cause I assume a tourney will be had at school because gears two will be new, so what better way to brush up and take home the gold?).
Alright guys, much love. Ill end up seeing you all later this year anyways (even if we have to make it a trip while at school for you fife)
I have decided against coming to Fife's not for money reasons but for sleep reasons. I seem to be developing insomnia. I can only attest it to the fact I sleep between 6am and 4pm and on the days I dont work, I try to reverse it. It isn't exactly the easiest thing in the world. As a strange side effect, i find myself erecting (yes, i did say erect) fighting clubs all over the area, and splicing porn into disney movies. considering the fact I did this before insomnia though its no biggie. however, If i introduce myself as Tyler Durden to ANYONE then kill me on the spot. I prefer a knife to the back of my skull somewhere between 25 and 28 psi.
Anyways, looking at the weekend schedule from a logical standpoint, if I did go, I would be sleeping until I caught the bus friday evening at 7pm, probably sleep on the bus (because I always get tired on long car rides, no matter what. this seems to be a weakness of mine. It doesn't matter how much of a creepy necrophiliac sonofabitch the guys next to me looks on the bus, I will go down snoring, most likely waking to either a backwoods pig farm or a smattering of penis drawn across my face in permanent marker.) and after exiting the bus, get picked up by the lot of you, hanging out till the wee hours of dawn, getting awoken early to a full day of hijinks, play games late again (and dont say we wont, cause I know you all.) and then wake up early to a 11 or 11:30 bus ride home, If i am lucky enough to wake up for my stop, then I will get home, crash wake up around 3am, and not be able to fall asleep again. to put it simply, I will die.
So I pardon all your frustration at me and apologize as much as I can for nature's effects and hope to see you sometime near the beginning of school.
I also hope you have all been brushing up on your curb stomping, Cover jumping, chainsawing and 2peiceing (see BXR from Gaylo 2) for Gears of War 2 in November.
While im thinking about it, id also like to take a minute to promote Fable 2 as awesome, Mirror's Edge as potentially decent, Legendary as a phenomenally impressive idea, so lets hope it dosent shit all over itself, The force Unleashed looks extremely next generation starwars and Fallout 3 is without a doubt worth a look from everybody that plays the 360. You can play turn based, you can run and gun and play it as an fps, you get a dog named Dogmeat, you are in A REPLICATION OF WASHINGTON DC RIGHT DOWN TO THE STAIRS IN THE WASHINGTON MEMORIAL (which you can climb). Think post apocalyptic US, bullets whizzing into mutated skin as the national anthem plays. (click this link, seriously . I will be getting this game after all its downloads will be included... http://xbox360.ign.com/dor/objects/882301/fallout-3/videos/fallout3_security_071408.html
...regardless, I hope that you all are putting away those rusty old battle rifles for some new chainsaw equipped Lancers. (Also cause I assume a tourney will be had at school because gears two will be new, so what better way to brush up and take home the gold?).
Alright guys, much love. Ill end up seeing you all later this year anyways (even if we have to make it a trip while at school for you fife)
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Pro-nosybastardization!
There is a movement to define contraception as abortion.
Which, personally, I think is a fabulous idea.
Probably about 70% (that's a total and complete fucking guess) of the pro-life population is really in favor of contraceptives... but not abortion. Which means if you make it abortion to PREVENT a baby, then there will be a huge number of people who are suddenly not so pro-life. Ban abortion would then = ban contraceptives and let's face it, there are little to none who want to do that.
And, y'know, if pro-lifers stop being so insanely nosy and judgmental, suddenly it's okay to let people manage their own damn affairs! Because those same people who want to tell people they're murders for having an actual abortion don't want to be told THEY'RE murders for using condoms. Taking your own medicine is kind of like drinking your own pee. Nobody wants to do it.
And I mean, I'm not totally serious about wanting contraception to suddenly be abortion. But I think it'd be a hilarious slap in the face for the majority of the people who think it's perfectly fine to force their personal and religious views on everybody else by telling them what they can and can't do with their lives (as trite as that sounds).
Of course, it'll never happen because everyone who is sane knows this is, well, totally insane. It's about as insane as saying masturbation is abortion. Or saying that periods are abortion... and I don't know about the rest of the girls in the world, but I don't want to spend the majority of my life starting when I'm about 11 or 12 pregnant because some overly religious fuckhead thinks nature is murder.
Anyway, obviously it's a ridiculous proposal. But here's a funny little quote from another site I'll share:
"Man, if they're defining life as starting at conception, God is America's biggest abortion provider, considering only one out of every six fertilized eggs manages to sort itself out enough to implant and after that about a quarter of those implantations wind up in miscarriage, frequently before a woman is aware she's pregnant. That means God Himself personally takes out 87.5% of precious conceived human souls. God should be banned"
(Of course, there is somebody out there saying that it's "nature" aborting those, not God. Which is hilarious, if you think about it).
I'm also just going to use this as a forum to discuss my own personal views.
You can say I'm pro-choice if you like, but I prefer to think I'm pro-you live your life and I'll live mine.
Are we clear? Good? What are your thoughts?
Friday, July 11, 2008
Some things you just have to share...
My dad is famous, and infamous, for many things in our family, and when he drinks he always does something that falls in one or both of these categories. For this particular story, I'm not exactly sure which it is.
We'll start off with this: My dad is allergic to red wine. This allergy manifests itself in the most impressive sneezes you have ever heard. One can stand across the road outside my house and still hear him sneeze after he's had about two glasses (this has been tested). It's really quite a feat. But tonight, he topped even that.
Here are the factors.
· Half a bottle of red wine (consumed by the party in question)
· A linoleum bathroom floor (stood on by the party in question)
· Socks (worn by... oh you get the idea)
· Gravity and Inertia
If you can see where this is going, I'm glad. But shut up and listen anyway. I'm sitting in my room (which is, coincidentally, right next to the bathroom. The walls are thin enough that I can hear people pee, which is weird, but I'm used to it) innocently chatting on aim, y'know, what you do. I hear my dad sneeze his way up the stairs and into the bathroom for his shower. I write this off and continue about my business... until I hear the most massive sneeze I have ever heard accompanied closely by the sounds of slipping and a gigantic BOOM. I rush to the bathroom, to confirm the inevitable. My dad was peeing, sneezed, and literally knocked himself off his feet by the power of his own sneeze, propelling him backwards onto a shower stool and thence, onto the floor.
As I entered the bathroom my dad started to insist "I'm fine I'm FINE" and refused to be helped onto his feet by me or my sister. Yet he couldn't actually get up until my mom walked in as well and started trying to help him (I guess three women all trying to help him do something physical was just too much abuse for his manly psyche). My mom and sister must have busy watching him for signs of a cracked vertebra or tailbone (or continued stupidity), as only I noticed the gigantic, bruised abrasions gently leaking blood on the meaty part of his back (presumably where he hit the bathroom stool)... which he refused to show anyone after I attempted to point it out, resorting to backing himself into a corner and telling us to fuck off.
Anyway, the amusement pretty much ends there (except for my dad's extremely girlish squeals as my mom attempted to apply hydrogen peroxide to his wounds: "IT'S COLDIT'SCOLDIT'SCOLD make it WARM not COLD aaaahhh!") and I'm left giggling at my dad's injuries. Which I feel perfectly justified in doing, because if he refuses to acknowledge they exist I have every right to laugh at him. Also, he blamed me and my sister for the accident, by claiming we keep putting conditioner on the floor... because I mean, we always make sure to get out of the shower and stand in front of the toilet as we wash our hair. And condition the floor while we do it. It just makes it so shiny!
Actually, we actually have no conditioner in the house. Haha, Oh, father.
He's just currently taking his shower (and cursing).
I really hope this never happens to me, or I'll feel pretty stupid.
Friday, July 4, 2008
So on the Bright side of life.....
Yea, more on movie reviews, Wall-E was actually good. not amazing, not wonderful, but par. Pixar is a damn good studio and even if the movie sucks (which none they have done have, par is the worst they have done so far) the art is so pretty it counterbalances it. Some funny moments, mostly "robotic romantic" moments that are slightly humorous, and the only real downside to the movie is the main characters have the same amount of dialog as a generic pokemon. Artistically however, the movie is a brilliant at mocking the human race and where we are heading in the future, as well as corporate monopolies. So, on my scale, the movie gives me 7/10 wood. rent it, download it illegally but you might not enjoy it in the theater. If you love pixar though you might (also, the beginning short is hilarious). Also played me a little airsoft the other day.
During one very overbalanced (They Needed More Guys)match, just a friend and I surprised the hell outta the other team and took the 4 wheeler up in the woods. Talk about Mongoosing it RL-style. Yes, Halo still sucks, but it sucks less when its real...
During one very overbalanced (They Needed More Guys)match, just a friend and I surprised the hell outta the other team and took the 4 wheeler up in the woods. Talk about Mongoosing it RL-style. Yes, Halo still sucks, but it sucks less when its real...
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