Floating Down the Lethe: Shouldn't the week be over?

why do i have to make a new title every post. geeze.

Today there was almost an EMERGENCY.

So I finished working at the bakery and I go to the bathroom. Oh, I should preface this particular story by saying that for the most part I would not call many of my stories crude. (I take that back, I have a lot of crude stories, stories about crude oil! haha knee slapper.)

So I decide to go to the bathroom, without must thought actually just had to relieve myself. So I walk in and lock the door and I have one of those belts (you know the kind where like you undo it and no matter how big or small the belt it the end of it seems to be have some kind of polar attraction to the pee stream?) so I use my one hand to hold the belt back, and the other to you know, direct the stream. Suddenly the ALMOST EMERGENCY starts. I realize that my sunglasses are sitting, though not firmly, atop my head. I can feel them slowly falling forward towards my forehead. These are my favorite sunglasses. They are also the only pair I own. I got them from Walgreen's at 4 am before a 6 am trip to the Appalachian Trail. Anywho, they are crappy but still cost me 25 bucks. I would prefer to keep them as long as possible (that's what she said). Sooo, I'm taking this leak and both my hands are occupied while my sunglass fall forward in slomo. I'm really at a crossroads in my decision making. And not the one you get to when you are deciding colleges, careers, or life-partners or anything like that. This proverbial fork in my life is about personal pride. It's about dignity. It's about letting my Ironman by Fostergrant sunglasses come in direct, and disastrous contact with my own urine at a level fairly on par with EPIC-FAIL. OK? I am faced with a series of options that are making me sweat bullets while simultaneous shrinking my bladder.
I can:
A. Push, and try to finish peeing before my glasses fall from my head.
-Downside, what if I don't finish peeing in time?
B. Stop the fire hose by contracting the muscles in my pelvic region.
-Downside, it hurts, and then I would have to start again. . .
C. Lean back and turn my head at a 90 degree angle away from the stream.
-Downside, there is a high chance of missing the bowl all together.
D. Lean forward so my face is behind the John, if they fall, it will be behind the camode.
-Downside, the splash variable comes into play, and I'm wearing a thin, white shirt.

Indeed this a pivotal moment in my existence.

I go with option C. and realize within several galactic milliseconds if I simultaneously align my face in such a fashion, the entire possible outcome of digging sunglasses out of my own toilet bowl if fairly yellow shaded pee, can be averted!