Last look back in Pleasantville

So.

Here's where I look back at my home in Columbus. I grew up in this small little town complete with a Kroger in walking distance, excellent schools, a local ice cream place and even a quaint little historical downtown. You know, the ones you see in the movies? Yeah, that one.

Growing up, I hated this little piece of heaven, really I did. All the boredom that occurred in this place is record breaking actually. Whether it be sitting at the school, which was INSIDE the neighborhood, going to Kroger to buy nothing with the nothing we had, sitting at one of our houses playing the original Halo (that's right. Oldies mother fucker) or just...i don't know, anything unproductive.

But now, I look back on the first big chapter of my life and realize that I had it good. Real good. But of course none of that hits you until the last moment. Hell, sometimes it won't hit you way farther down the road.

This was my last summer living at home. My last time calling my home, "my home". Although it's always gonna be my home....it's now my parents house. It's weird, calling it that. After this year at BG, I'm either staying for summer school and living in the dorms again, or getting a house with a few of my buddies. Or both, I don't fuckin know.

Regardless, I'm finally leaving the nest. And I mean for good. As exhilarating and awesome as it's gonna be, I can't help but feel a slight stab of depression.

Ok ok ok...I'll be honest. I would have ignored these feelings, but this summer, I experimented with a few things that really broadened my horizons. To be frank, I smoked a ton of weed this summer. And I mean like everyday smoking.

Sure, yea, i know....most of you guys don't really partake in those "ilicet" activities, but seriously, It actually helped me out. When I get back to BG, I'm not smoking anymore. No, not because it's the right thing to do or to protect my health and sanity or to keep up appearances (FUCK appearances btw), but because it was an experience. I don't know how to explain what I felt when I was high, but it was magic. Suddenly, it was like, certain topics that i avoided sober came into focus when i was under the influence. I was coming up with more and more logical conclusions when I came out of the high. I was really starting to face my fears in a positive way rather than freakin out.

Sure, maybe most people would say that using mind altering substances is a way out or something that you do simply because you can't deal with things naturally. Wait a minute....thats EXACTLY what I did with reefer! Weird right? I found these accusations to be spot on.....and I'm really ok with that.

I just knew my bounderies with the drug. Rather than getting to caught up in the world and its lifestyle, I just stopped when I knew I reached my limit. Most of the people I smoked with wanted and did try other drugs. But not me. I knew that danger of some of that shit, even though its not as crazy as the news and crazy mothers with tons of free time tell you. Last week was the last time I smoked. I remember thinking, "you know, I wonder what acid or shrooms could do to me?". And that was it. I knew I reached my limit. So that night, I stopped the cycle. I knew when to stop and honestly, I pride myself in knowing my own limits. The experience was done, and I survived with nothing more than an extra pound or two and just a weeks worth of shitty memory. Otherwise, I'm better than ever. I actually started excersizing yesterday!

Now that the experience is done, I can focus again on progress. I can focus on making new friends and meeting up with my close old ones. I can focus on excelling in German in hopes to travel to Austria for a year. I can focus on how I can grow as a person.

Say what you will about my actions and thoughts but I'm mostly at peace.

And even though I'm finally leaving home as a child, I finally feel I'm ready for what lies ahead as an adult.

The best part? I have no fuckin clue what to expect. Wander into the darkness and get lost. Hopefully I'll find my way out.

And as a side note:
"Electric Feel" by MGMT
check it out

-Bradford